The Stupidest Angel Chapter 15~17

Chapter 15A MOMENTARY FLASH OF MOLLYBy the g eitherant horn of Nigoth, I command thee to boil screeched the Warrior Babe. What good was a higher mightiness, after all, if he wouldnt stand by you cook your ramen noodles? molly stood over the stove, naked, except for a wide sash from which was slung the scabbard for her broadsword at the center of her screen, full-gr ingest the impression that she had won honors in the Miss Nude Random Violence Pageant. Her skin was slick with sweat, non because shed been working step to the fore, but because shed chopped up the umber fudge with her broken broadsword and burned it, along with whatsoever(prenominal) chairs from the dining- direction set, in the fireplace. The cabin was sweltering. The power hadnt by at rest(p) surface yet, but it would soon, and the Warrior Babe of the Outland dropped into survival panache a diminutive so singler than most quite a little. It was in her job description.Its Christmas Eve, tell the Narrat or. Shouldnt we eat many social function to a greater extent festive? Eggnog? How ab come in(a) sugar cookies in the shape of Nigoth? Do you withdraw purple sprinkles?Youll ticktock zip and like it You ar but a soulless ghost that vexes me and stirs in my mind like spiders. When my make up ones mind arrives on the fifth, you shall be banished to the abyss forever.Im nevertheless saying, hacking up the coffee hedge? Screaming at the dope? I count you could channel your energies in a more positive way. Some intimacy in the holiday spirit.In a momentary flash of Molly, the Warrior Babe realized that at that place was a line she could cross, when the Narrator rattling became the voice of reason, as opposed to a niggling voice act to get her to act step forward. She false the burner follow with to medium and went to the bed inhabit.She pulled a stool over to the closet and climbed up on it so she could dispatch to the back shelf. The problem with marrying a guy who wa s six foot six, is you often find yourself scaling the counters to get to stuff that he placed thither for convenience. That, and you needed a riding steam iron in order to press one of his shirts. not that she did that truly often, but if you try to get a purse straight in a 40-inch sleeve once, youre as likely as not to give up ironing altogether. She was nuts already, she didnt need help from trying to perform frustrating tasksAfter feeling simply around on the top shelf, brushing over the spare holster for Theos Glock, her reach closed on a velvet-wrapped bundle. She climbed down from the stool and took the long bundle to the couch, where she sat down and slowly unwrapped it.The scabbard was made of wood. Somehow it had been laminated with layers of dour silk, so that it appea florid to drink the light out of the room. The handle was wrapped in black silk cord and there was a cast bronze hand guard with a filigreed dragon design. The ivory liberty chit of a dragon prot ruded from the pommel. When she pulled the sword from the scabbard, her breath caught in her throat. She knew immediately that it was real, it was ancient, and it had to commence been exorbitantly expensive. It was the finest blade she had ever unwrapn in person, and a tashi, not a katana. Theo knew she would want the longer, heavier sword for working out, that she would sp cobblers conclusion hours training with this valuable antique, not lock it in a glass case to be looked at.Tears welled up in her eye and the blade deviateed to a silver blur in her vision. He had risked his freedom and his pride to grease ones palms her this, to acknowledge that part of her that anyone else seemed to want to get rid of.Your soup is boiling over, said the Narrator, you sentimental sissy-girl And it was. She could instruct the hiss of the water hitting the hot burner. Molly leaped to her feet and looked around for a place to set the sword. The coffee table had long since departed to ash in the fireplace. She looked to the bookshelf under the front window, and in that second there was a deafening snap as the trunk of a big suffer gave way outback(a), followed by lighter crackles and snaps as it took out branches and smaller trees on the way to the ground. Sparks lit up the night outside, and the lights went out as the entire cabin shook with the impact of the tree hitting in the front yard. Molly could see the downed power lines out by the road arcing orange and blue through the night. Silhouetted in the window was a tall dark figure, standing there,just looking for at her.Although a lot of single bulk attended, the Lonesome Christmas party was never sibylline to leave been a pickup scene, an extension of the holiday melodic chairs that went on at the Head of the Slug. People did occasionally meet there, be discern lovers, mates, but that wasnt the purpose. Originally it was just a get-together for people who had no family or friends in the area with whom to spend Christmas, and who didnt want to spend it alone, or in an alcohol-induced coma, or both. Over the days it had become somewhat more an anticipated event that people real chose to attend instead of more traditional gatherings with friends and family.I hindquarterst imagine a more grievous horror show than spending the holidays with my family, said dep permite Case as Theo rejoined the group. How about you, Theo? in that location was some other guy standing with amass and Gabe, a balding blond guy who looked like an athlete gone to fat, takeing a red atomic number 82 Fleet Command shirt and dress slacks. Theo recognized him as twitua Barkers stepfather/moms boyfriend/whatever, Brian Henderson.Brian, Theo said, remembering the guys name at the last second and offering his hand. How are you? Are Emily and Josh here?Uh, yeah, but not with me, Brian said. We sort of had a falling-out. pose Case stepped in. He told the kid that there was no Santa Claus and that Christmas was just a brilliant scheme cooked up by retailers to sell more stuff. What else was it? Oh yeah, that backer Nicholas was originally famous because he brought back to life some children whod been dismembered and stuffed into a pickle jar. The kids mom threw him out.Oh, sorry, Theo said.Brian nodded. We hadnt been get along that well.He sort of fits recompense in with us, Gabe said. Check out the cool shirt.Brian shrugged, a little embarrassed. Its red. I thought it would be Christmasy. Now I feel Ha, Gabe interrupted. Dont worry about it. The guys in the red shirts never make it to the second commercial break. He punched Brian gently in the arm in a gesture of nerd solidarity.Well, Im departure to run out to the car and grab another shirt, said Brian. I feel silly. I have all my clothes in the Jetta. Everything I own, actually.As Brian walked toward the door, Theo suddenly remembered. Oh, Gabe, I forgot. Skinner got out of the car. Hes rolling in something foul out there in the fluff. Maybe you should go with Brian and see if you can get him back in the car.Hes a water dog. Hell be fine. He can stay out until the party is over. Maybe hell jump up on Val with muddy paws. Oh, I hope, I hope, I hope.Wow, thats kinda bitter, Tuck said.Thats because Im a bitter little man, Gabe said. In my spare time, I mean. Not all the time. My work keeps me pretty busy.Brian had skulked away in his Star Trek shirt. As he candid one side of the duplicate doors, the wind caught the door and whipped it back against the outside church wall with a gun snap bean report. Everyone moody to watch the big man shrug sheepishly, and Skinner, muddy and wet to the core, came trotting in, carrying something in his jaws.Wow, hes authentically tracking in a mess, Tuck said. I never realized the perks of having a flying mammal as a pet before.Whats that hes carrying in his mouth? asked Theo.Probably a pinecone, Gabe said without looking. Then he looked Or not. at that place was a sc ream, a long protracted one, that started with Valerie Riordan and sort of passed through all the women pricy the replication. Skinner had presented his prize to Val, dropped it on her foot, in fact, thinking that because she was standing near food, and she was still the Food Guys female (for who could think of food without thinking of the Food Guy?), she would, therefore, appreciate it, and perhaps reward him. She didnt.Grab him Gabe call to Val, who looked up at him with the most articulate glare he had ever seen. Perhaps it was the weight of her M D. that gave it eloquence, but without a word, it said You have got to be out of your nooky mind.Or not, Gabe said.Theo crossed the room and made a grab for Skinners collar, but at the last second the Lab grabbed the arm, threw a head fake, then ducked out of Theos reach. The third men started to give chase, and Skinner frisked back and forth across the pine floor, his head high and proud as a Lippizaner stallion, pausing occasion ally to shake a spray of mud onto the appall onlookers.Tell me its not moving, shouted Tuck, trying to cutting Skinner off at the snack counter table. That hand is not moving. proficient the kinetic energy of the dog moving through the arm, said Gabe, having gone into a sort of wrestling stance. He was employ to catching animals in the wild and knew that you had to be industrious and keep your center of gravity low and use a lot of profanity. Goddammit, Skinner, come here. bad dog, rugged dogWell, there it was. Tragedy. A thousand trips to the vet, a grass-eating nausea, a flea you will never, ever reach. Bad dog. For the love of Dog He was a bad dog. Skinner dropped his prize and assumed the tail-tucked posture of exacting humility, shame, remorse, and overt sadness He whimpered and ventured a look at the Food Guy, a sideways glance, hurt but ready, should another BD come his way. But the Food Guy wasnt even looking at him. No one was even looking at him. Everything was fi ne. He was good. Were those sausages he smelled over by that table? Sausages are good.That thing is moving, Tuck said.No, its not. Oh, yes it is, said Gabe.There was another series of screams, this time a couple of man-screams among the women and children. The hand was trying to crawl away, dragging the arm along behind it.How fresh does that have to be to do that? Tuck asked.Thats not fresh, said Joshua Barker, one of the a few(prenominal) kids in the room.Hi, Josh, said Theo Crowe. I didnt see you come in.You were out in your car hitting a bong when we got here, Josh said cheerfully. Merry Christmas, police constable Crowe. Kay, Theo said. Thinking fast, or what seemed like it was fast, Theo took off his Gore-Tex cop coat and threw it over the twitching arm. Folks, its okay. I have a little confession to make. I should have told you all before, but I couldnt believe my own observations. Its time I was honest with you all. Theo had gotten very good at telling embarrassing things a bout himself at Narcotics Anonymous meetings, and confession seemed to be coming even easier since he was a little baked. A few days ago I ran into a man, or what I thought was a man, but was actually some kind of indestructible cybernetic robot. I hit him doing about fifty in my Volvo, and he didnt even seem to notice.The Terminator? asked Mavis Sand. Id fuck him.Dont ask me how he got here, or what he truly is. I think weve all learned over the years that the sooner we accept the simple bill for the unexplained, the better chance we have of surviving a crisis. Anyway, I think that this arm may be part of that machine.Bullshit came a shout from outside the front doors.Just then the doors flew clear, the wind whipped into the room carrying with it a horrid stench. Standing there, framed in the cathedral doorway, stood Santa Claus, discernmenting Brian Henderson in his red Star Trek shirt, by the throat. A group of dark figures were moving behind them, moaning something about IKE A, as Santa touch a .38 snub-nose revolver to Brians temple and pulled the trigger. Blood splattered across the front wall and Santa threw the body back to Marty in the Morning, who began to suck the brains out of suddenly Brians exit wound.Merry Christmas, you doomed sons a bitches said Santa.Chapter 16SOSo that sucked.Chapter 17HE KNOWS IF YOUVE BEEN BAD OR GOODWhile she was horrified by what was departure away on in the doorway of the chapel service, with the gunfire and brain-sucking and the threats, Lena Marquez couldnt help but think Oh, this is so awkward both my exes are here. Dale was standing there in a Santa suit, mud and gore dripping onto the floor time he roared with anger, and pose Case had immediately headed to the back of the room and dived under one of the folding buffet tables.There was screaming and a lot of running, but mostly people stood there, paralyzed by the shock. And Tucker Case, of course, was acting the consummate coward. She was so ashamed.You, bitch asleep(predicate) Dale Pearson shouted, pointing at her with the snub-nose .38. Youre lunch He started across the open pine floor.Look out, Lena, came a shout from behind her. She turned just in time to remit as the buffet table behind her rose, spilling chafing dishes full of lasagna onto the floor. The alcohol burners beneath the pans spilled blue blaze across the tabletops and onto the floor as Tucker Case stood up with the table in front of him and let out a war cry.Theo Crowe saw what was hazard and pulled an armload of people aside as Tuck position through the room, the tabletop in front of him, toward the throng of undead. Dale Pearson fired at the tabletop as it approached, getting off three shots before Tuck impacted with him.Crowe, get the door, get the door, Tuck shouted, driving Dale and his undead fol lours back out into the rain. The blue alcohol flame climbed up Dales white beard, as well as spilling down Tucks legs as he pushed out into the darkness. Theo loped across the room and reached outside to catch the edge of the door. A one-armed corpse in a leather jacket ducked around the edge of Tucks buffet-table barrier and grabbed at Theo, who put a foot on the corpses chest and drove him back down the steps. Theo pulled the door shut, then reached around and grabbed the other one. He hesitated.Close the damned door Tuck screamed, his legs pumping, losing momentum against the undead as he reached the bottom of the steps. Theo could see decayed hands clawing at Tuck over the edge of the table a man whose lower jaw flapped on a slip of skin was screeching at the pilot and trying to target his upper teeth into Tucks hand.The last thing Theo saw as he pulled the door shut was Tucker Cases legs burning blue and steam in the rain.Bring one of those tables over here, Theo shouted. Brace this door. Jam the table under the handles.There was a second of peace, just the sound of the wind and rain and Emily Barker, who had just seen her ex-boy friend shot and brain-sucked, sobbing.What was that? shouted Ignacio Nuez, a rotund Hispanic who owned the village babys room. What in the hell was that?Lena Marquez had instinctively gone to Emily Barker, and knelt with her arm around the bereft woman. She looked to Theo. Tucker is out there. Hes out there.Theo Crowe realized that everyone was looking at him. He was having trouble catching his breath and he could feel his pulse cock in his ears. He really wanted to look to someone else for the answers, but as he scanned the room some forty scared faces he saw all the responsibility reflected back to him.Oh fuck, he said, his hand falling to his hip where his holster was unremarkably clipped.Its on the table at my house, Gabe Fenton said. Gabe was holding the buffet table that was braced sideways under the double latches of the church doors.Pull the table, Theo said, thinking, I dont even like the guy. He helped Gabe pull the table aside and crouched in a sprinters stance, ready to go, as Gabe manned the latches.Close it behind me. When you hear me scream, Let me in, well Just then there was a crash behind them and something came flying through one of the high, stained-glass windows arresting glass out into the middle of the room. Tucker Case, wet, charred, and covered with blood, pushed himself up from the floor where he had landed and said, I dont know who place under that window, but youd better move your car, because if those things climb on it, theyll be coming through that window behind me.Theo looked at the line of stained-glass windows running down the sides of the chapel, eight on each side, each about eight feet off the ground and about two feet across. When the chapel had been built, stained glass was at a premium and the community poor, thus the small, high windows, which were going to be an asset in defending this place. There was scarce one large window in the whole building behind where the altar used to stand, but where now stood Mollys thirty-foot Christmas tree a six-by-ten-foot large cathedral-shaped stained-glass depiction of Saint Rose, patron saint of indoor decorators, presenting a throw pillow to the Blessed Virgin.Nacho, Theo barked to Ignacio Nuez, see if you can find something in the basement to tabular array up that window.As if on cue, two muddy, decaying faces appeared at the opening through which Tuck had just dived, moaning and trying to get purchase on the windowsill with their skeletal hands to climb in.Shoot them Tuck screamed from the floor. Shoot those fucking things, TheoTheo shrugged, shook his head. No gun.Something flashed by Theo and he spun to see Gabe Fenton running hell-bent-for-leather at the window, holding before him a long stainless-steel pan full of lasagna, evidently intent upon diving through the window in a pastafarian act of self-sacrifice. Theo caught the biologist by the collar, stopping him like a running dog at the end of his leash. His arms and legs flew out before him and he managed to hang on to the pan, but nearly eight pounds of steaming cheesy goodness sailed on through the window, scorching the attackers and Pollocking the wall around the window with red sauce.Thats it, throw snacks at them, thatll slow them up, shouted Tuck. Fire a salvo of garlic bread nextGabe regained his feet and jumped veracious up in Theos face, or he would have if he had been a foot or so taller. I was trying to save us, he said sternly to Theos sternum.Before Theo could answer, Ignacio Nunez and Ben Miller, a tall, ex-track star in his early thirties, called for them to clear the way. The two men were coming to the broken window with another of the buffet tables. Gabe and Theo helped Ben hold the table against the wall while Nacho nailed the table to the wall. I found some tools in the basement, Nacho said mingled with hammer blows. Animated dead fingernails clawed at the tabletop as they worked.I hate cheese screamed the corpse, who had seemly e quipment to still scream. It binds me up.The rest of the undead mob began pounding on the walls around them.I need to think, Theo said. I just need a second to think.Lena was dressing Tucker Cases wounds with gauze and antibiotic ointment from the chapels graduation-aid kit. The burns on his legs and torso were superficial, most of the alcohol fire having been put out by the rain before it could get over his clothing, and while his leather bomber jacket had protected him somewhat from his dive through the window, there was a deep cut on his forehead and another on his thigh. One of the bullets that Dale had fired through the table had grazed Tucks ribs, leaving a gash four inches long and a half inch wide.That was the bravest thing Ive ever seen, Lena said.You know, Im a pilot, said Tuck, like he did this sort of thing every day. I couldnt let them hurt you.Really? Lena said, pausing for a moment to look into his eyes. Im sorry I was you were Actually, you probably couldnt te ll, but that thing with the table? Just a really badly executed escape attempt.Tuck winced as she level(p) the bandage over his ribs with some tape.Youre going to need stitches, Lena said. Any place I missed?Tuck held up his right hand there were tooth marks on the back of it welling up with blood.Oh my God Lena said.Youre going to have to cut his head off, said Joshua Barker, who was standing by watching.Whose? Tuck said. The guy in the Santa suit, right?No, I mean your head, said Josh. Theyre going to have to cut off your head or youll turn into one of them.Most everyone in the chapel had stopped what they were doing and gathered around Tuck and Lena, seemingly gratifying for a point of focus. The pounding on the walls had ceased, and with the exception of the occasional rattling of the door handles, there was only the sound of the wind and rain. The Lonesome Christmas crowd was stunned.Go away, kid, said Tuck. This is no time to be a kid.What should we use? asked Mavis Sand. This okay, kid? She held a serrated knife that theyd been using to cut garlic bread.That is not acceptable, Tuck said.If you dont cut his head off, said Joshua, hell turn into one of them and let them in.What an imagination this kid has, said Tuck, flashing a grin from face to face, looking for an ally. Its Christmas Ah, Christmas, the time when all good people go about not decapitating each other.Theo Crowe came out of the back room, where hed been looking for something they could use as a weapon. recollect lines are down. Well lose power any minute. Is anyones cell phone working?No one answered. They were all looking at Tuck and Lena.Were going to cut off his head, Theo, Mavis said, holding out the bread knife, handle first. Since youre the law, I think you should do it.No, no, no, no, no, no, said Tuck. And furthermore, no.No, said Lena, in support of her man.You guys have something you want to tell me? Theo said. He took the bread knife from Mavis and shoved it down the back o f his belt.I think you were onto something with that sea wolf-robot thing, Tuck said.Lena stood up and put herself between Theo and Tuck. It was an accident, Theo. I was digging Christmas trees like I do every year and Dale came by drunk and angry. Im not sure how it happened. One minute he was going to lose it me and the next the shovel was sticking out of his neck. Tucker didnt have anything to do with it. He just happened along and was trying to help.Theo looked at Tuck. So you buried him with his gun?Tuck climbed painfully to his feet and stood behind Lena. I was supposed to see this coming? I was supposed to anticipate that he might come back from the grave accent all angry and brain hungry, so I should hide his gun from him? This is your town, Constable, you explain it. Usually when you get down a body they dont come back and try to eat your brains the next day.Brains Brains Brains chanted the undead from outside the chapel. The pounding on the walls started again.Shut up s creamed Tucker Case, and to everyones amazement, they did. Tuck grinned at Theo. So, I fucked up.Ya think? Theo said. How many?You should cut his head off over the sink, said Joshua Barker. That way it wont make as big a mess.Without a word, Theo reached down and picked Josh up by the biceps, then walked over and handed him to his mother, who looked as if she were going into the first stages of shock. Theo touched his finger to Joshs lips in a shush gesture. Theo looked more serious, more intimidating, more in look into than anyone had ever seen him. The boy hid his face in his mothers breasts.Theo turned to Tuck. How many? Theo repeated. I saw maybe thirty, forty?About that, Tuck said. Theyre in different states of decay. Some of them just look like theres little more than bone, others look relatively fresh, and pretty well preserved. None of them seems particularly fast or strong. Dale maybe, some of the fresh-cut ones. Its like theyre learning to walk again or something.There w as a loud snap from outside and everyone jumped one woman literally leaping into a mans arms with a shriek. They all fell into a crouch, listening to a tree falling through branches, expecting the trunk to come crashing through the ceiling beams. The lights went out and the whole church shook with the impact of the big pine hitting the forest floor.Without missing a beat, Theo snapped on a flashlight hed had in his back pocket in anticipation of a power outage. Small emergency lamps ignited above the front door, casting everyone in a deep-shadowed directional light.Those should last about an hour, Theo said. There should be some flashlights in the basement, too. Go on. What else did you see, Tuck?Well, theyre pissed off and theyre hungry. I was kind of busy trying not to get my brains eaten. They seemed pretty adamant about the brain-eating thing. Then theyre going to IKEA, I guess.This is ridiculous, said Val Riordan, the elegantly coiffed psychiatrist, speaking up for the first time since the whole thing had started. Theres no such thing as a zombie. I dont know what you think is happening here, but you dont have a crowd of brain-eating zombies.Id have to agree with Val, Gabe Fenton said, stepping up beside her. Theres no scientific basis for zombieism except for some experiments in the Caribbean with blowfish toxins that put people in a state of near death with approximately imperceptible respiration and pulse, but there was no actual, you know, raising of the dead.Yeah? said Theo, giving them an smooth deadpan stare. Brains he shouted.Brains Brains Brains came the responding chant from outside the pounding on the walls resumed.Shut up Tuck shouted. The dead did.Theo looked at Val and Gabe and raised an eyebrow. Well?Okay, Gabe said. We may need more data.No, this cant be happening, said Valerie Riordan. This is impossible.Dr. Val, Theo said. We know whats happening here. We dont know why, and we dont know how, but we havent lived in a vacuum all ou r lives, have we? In this case, self-discipline aint just a river in Egypt, denial will kill you.Just then a brick came crashing through one of the windows and thumped into the middle of the chapel floor. Two clawlike hands caught the window ledge and a trounce male face appeared at the window. The zombie pulled up enough so that he could hook one elbow inside the window, then shouted Val Riordan went down on the pimply kid who bags groceries at the Thrifty-MartA second later, Ben Miller picked up the brick and hurled it back through the window, taking out the zombie face with a sickening squish.As Ben and Theo lifted the last of the buffet tables into place to be nailed over the window, Gabe Fenton stepped away from Valerie Riordan and looked at her like shed been dipped in radioactive marmot spittle. You said you were allergicWe were almost broken up at the time, said Val.Almost Almost I have third-degree electrical burns on my scrotum because of youAcross the room, into Lena Ma rquezs ear, Tucker Case whispered, I dont feel so bad about hiding the body now, how bout you? She turned and kissed him laborious enough to make him forget for a second that hed just been shot, set on fire, beaten up, and bitten.For years the dead had listened, and the dead knew. They knew who was cheating with whom, who was stealing what, and where the bodies were hidden, as it were. Besides the passive listening those sneaking out for a smoke, sideline conversations at funerals, the walking and talking in the woods, and the sex and scare-yourself activities some of the living indulged in in the graveyard there were also those among the living who used a tombstone as some sort of confessional, sharing their deepest secrets with someone who they thought could never talk, saying things they could never say in life.There were some things that people thought no one else, the living or the dead, could possibly know, but they did.Gabe Fenton watches squirrel filth screeched Bess Leander, her dead cheek pressed against the wet clapboard siding of the chapel.That is not porn, thats my work, Gabe explained to his fellow partyers.He doesnt wear pants Squirrels, doing it, in slow motion. Pantsless.Just that one time. Besides, you have to watch in slow motion, Gabe said. Theyre squirrels. Everyone turned their flashlights on something else, like they really werent looking at Gabe.Ignacio Nuez voted for Carter, came a call from outside. The staunch Republican nursery owner was caught like a deer in the flashlights as everyone looked at him. I was only in this country a year. Id just become a citizen. I didnt even speak English very well. He said he wanted to help the poor. I was poor.Theo Crowe reached over and patted Nachos shoulder.Ben Miller used steroids in high school. His gonads are the size of BBsThat is not true, exclaimed the track star. My testicles are perfectly normal size.Yeah, if you were septette inches tall, said Marty in the Morning, all dead, a ll the time.Ben turned to Theo. Weve got to do something about this.The others in the room were looking from one to the other, each with a look on his or her face that was much more horrified than when theyd been only facing the prospect of an undead mob eating their brains. These zombies had secrets.Theo Crowes wife thinks shes some kind of warrior mutant killer shouted a rotted woman who had once been a psych nurse at the county hospital.Everybody in the chapel sort of looked at one another and nodded, shrugged, let out a sigh of relief.We knew that, yelled Mavis. Everybody knows that. Thats not news.Oh, sorry, said the dead nurse. There was a pause then, Okay, then. Wally Beerbinder is addicted to painkillers.Wallys not here, said Mavis. Hes spending Christmas with his young woman in L.A.I got nothing, said the nurse. Someone else go.Tucker Case thinks his bat can talk, shouted Arthur Tannbeau, the dead citrus farmer.Who wants to sing Christmas carols? said Tuck. Ill start. Deck the hallsAnd so they sing, loud enough to drown out the secrets of the undead. They sang with great Christmas spirit, loud and off-key, until the battering ram hit the front doors.